I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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