I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
