He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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