ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
