no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
