I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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