A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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