he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
