I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
