The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
