I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
