11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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