I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
