my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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