Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
