Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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