Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
