Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
