Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
