Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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