You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
