if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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