I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
