I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
