i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
