the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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