she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
