Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Randomize
