Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
