My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
