you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
