take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
