We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
