I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
