I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
