he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
