Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
