i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
