By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
