Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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