forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
