my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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