weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
