You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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