im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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