Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
