just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
