I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
