i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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