I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This toilet bowl is my home.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
