Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
