you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
