im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
